Tuesday, September 15, 2009

1000 Year Old Virgin One-Shot

1000 Year Old Virgin One-Shot

A/N: I know some of you guys are totally ticked, but I can explain. Having serious writers block for both stories, so they are currently on hiatus till I get a clue. Found inspiration from a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill & 40 Year Old Virgin. It's actually a one-shot from a story I'm trying to cultivate which would be called 1000 Year Old Virgin. It would be a Twilight/SVM crossover. Yep I became a Twi-head during my hiatus from writing. I highly recommend checking them out, you will be surprised by the authors of some of these original tales. This outtake is from the scene where Jasper, Emmett, and Sam are playing video games in Eric's apartment. For those who have seen the movie, you kinda get the idea where this is going, for those who haven't be very aware some of the banter is not for the faint of heart. Enjoy!!!

Rated M for Extremely Vulgar & Explicit Language.

“What are you guys doing here?” Eric exclaims. He was actually trying to enjoy his night off, and stay away from his fellow co-workers from Bloody-Tech. Ever since that poker game and they discovered he was a virgin after 1000 years they have been coming up with schemes trying to get him laid. Yet, he still remembers what his mother told him,

“To share your body with someone you love, is more important than sharing it with someone you only lust for. For in the end, you will still feel empty.”

He admired his mother, and the fact that his father helped create 11 children, with him only being the only boy, said a lot. Which is why he never sought out women. Even his maker would try and encourage him to have sex with his meals, yet he couldn't do it. It was thought after a human became vampire, his wants and desires transfers over. In his case, it did. Centuries upon centuries his true heart desire, never came forth. So he developed hobbies. Eric was a serious collector, yet in the most recent years he is what most people would call a geek, nerd, or even a spaz. Yet, women still flocked to him, because he was an incredibly good looking vampire. Extremely tall, 6'5 long blond hair, broad shoulders, very muscular. Eric is what you would call a sensitive soul, very quiet and shy, but most of all still a virgin. Which is why he guess his co-workers are here for a visit. Mission: Get Eric's Cherry Popped!!

“Well since we never been to your apartment before, we figure what the fuck” Emmett huge muscular frame bounded in through the door, followed by Jasper a lean Texan, and Sam an average height Louisianian.

“Hey guys I was just trying to enjoy a nice quiet evening.” Eric tried to convey, pleading rather, but failing.

Jasper and Emmett found too gaming chairs in the front room.

“Holy shit, you are the man Eric!” Jasper hoots.

They both scramble for the chairs, and fall in love with the big screen LCD as it lights up the boxing game.

Sam sat on the opposite end of the two watching how Emmett's character was wailing on Jasper's. Eric told the guys he will be in the kitchen making up refreshments. Once the game was on, Eric might as well became invisible.

“Hey guys I thought we came over here trying to figure out a way for our new best friend with the XBOX 360 & Street Boxing, on how to get pussy?” Sam asked as he saw Jasper's character perform a haymaker on Emmett's.

“OH SHIT!!!” they all said in unison as Emmett's character went down in a bloodied heap.

“My turn” Sam said as he reached for Emmett's controller. Emmett pulled back, almost snarling,

“Fuck no, I didnt say I was done!”

“Man stop being a little bitch and hand it over.” Sam still reaching for the controller.

“I got something you can play with instead Sam, my left nut” Emmett snickered.

“Eww..man that sounded kinda gay.” Sam turning up his nose to that comment.

“I'm not gay!” Emmett spouted louded.

Emmett: You know why you're so gay?

Sam: Why?

Emmett: Because you like the Jonas Brothers.

Jasper: You wanna know why ya'll so gay?

Emmett & Sam: Why?

Jasper: Because ya'll jerk off to the Jonas Brothers.

Sam: You wanna know why you so gay Jasper?

Jasper: Why?

Sam: You are still a member of the Boy George fan club.

Emmett: Sam you wanna know why you are so gay?

Sam: Why?

Emmett: Because you rented E.T. and thought it stood for Extra Testicle.

Jasper: You wanna know why you so gay Sam?

Sam: Why?

Jasper: You still get a boner for George Michael.

Sam: You wanna know why you are so gay, Jasper?

Jasper: Why?

Sam: Because you were the guy that was caught sucking him off in the men's bathroom.

Emmett: {snorts}

Sam: You wanna know why you are so gay Emmett?

Emmett: Why?

Sam: You thought the movie Trainspotting was a gay gangbang flick.

Emmett: You wanna know why you are so gay Sam?

Sam: Why?

Emmett: Because you were the one getting a train ran on in the movie, ya sick fuck!

Eric storms in, getting quite disgusted by this banter.

Eric: You wanna know why all three of you are gay?

Emmett/Sam/Jasper: Why?

Eric: Instead of you guys actually going out on the town on a Friday night looking for poon tangs, as you call it. You are here, playing video games, and arguing who in the fuck is the gayest!!!

Emmett/Sam/Jasper: Yeah that is pretty gay.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

New Look For My Blog Site

I got tired of struggling, like I bet you guys have as well, trying to read my shit. so I unfortunately had to dump my previous layout {sighs}, for this one. It's more neater, able to read, and less "busy". I hope you guys like it. Yet, knowing you guys, you would prefer a fucking update. I totes agree, so hopefully this "updated" look will satisfy for now.

For being so patient here is a bit of the racier story I have been working on. Called "The Pleasure Principle". It's totes unbeta'd and most likely will be revised again, but it's only a sample. Enjoy...

Brief Summary: After Sookie broke up with her long time beau named Bill, which according to him was due to her lack of sexual prowess, and basically being a prude, her best friend Amelia, takes her to this place which is owned by a personal friend of hers. Where you are allowed to explore your sexuality. It's called The Pleasure Principle.

“I think this is a bad idea Amelia.” Sookie said while fidgeting in the passenger seat, looking around outside trying to figure out their destination.

“Sook, you told me yourself, Bill basically left you for Felicia, because of her being more open sexually, and this place I'm taking you to is going to help you with that.” Amelia explained as she turned into a large circular driveway. They pulled in front of a huge mansion with an elaborate landscaping, and lighting to better display the mansion itself. Sookie was very intimidated by her surroundings, but as the valet opened up her door, she realized it was too late to back out now.

As Amelia and Sookie enter the massive abode, and beautiful, statuesque blond approaches them. Wearing a red silky gown, which clung to her curvaceous, yet slender figure. Her piercing grey-greenish eyes takes in Sookie...slowly.

“Oh Pamela.” Amelia melodious voice captures the blond's attention, as a sensual smirk, graces her ruby red lips.

“Amelia..dahling” gliding over to the two, Pam casually glances again at Sookie before she draws Amelia into a deep passionate kiss. Even though Sookie was shocked by the display, she knew Amelia batted for the other team on occasion, but to actually see it was a different story. When Pam pulled away, the only thought Sookie had, as Pam turned facing her,

“Wow! Here lipstick is still intact. I must ask her wear she gets lipstick from.”

“Welcome to The Pleasure Principle, my humble establishment, Sookie.” as she gently grabbed my hand, tugging me to follow her into the other room.

“Here is where only the elite joins my special club.” still looking Sookie up and down, lasciviously.

“Am I making you nervous?” as she used her other hand to gently glide her fingertips up and down Sookie's bare arm. Sookie nodded her head nervously, unsure what to expect, yet she trusted her best friend.

“Well don't be, my dearest Sookie, for everyone is thoroughly screened, irregardless of how much money they have, I will not tolerate sexual deviants here.” as Pam sat her down on the couch, Sookie observing how the dress had a dangerously high slit, which exposed her slender creamy legs as she lounged besides Sookie.

While playing with her hair, she explained the rules which are strictly adhered to or, that person must vacate the premise immediately voluntarily or by force. Your sexual desire is picked by what is in the velvet top hat. The cards will dictate the room and the activity involved. Once in the room, if its a situation the client deems uncomfortable, there is a red button. Press it, and you will be allowed on final choice for the evening. As Sookie is soaking all this information in, she didn't notice how Pam's fingertips was slowly drawing imaginary circles on her bare thigh. Sookie who did have a brief encounter with a girl back in college, but they only kissed, it never went further than that. Surprisingly she wasn't uncomfortable, yet she was slowly becoming a little warm. Sensing this, Pam leans over to Sookie's ear while her fingertips slowly glided further up Sookie's dress,

“Have you ever enjoyed the pleasures of another woman's flesh?” Pam warm breath hits Sookie's neck , one of her hot spots on her body. Sookie whimpers,

“No” her voice quivers with anticipation, feels Pam's smirk against her neck,

“Do you taste as sweet as you look, my dearest Sookie?”
Pam huskily asks. Amelia who was feeling left out wanted to get the show on the road, and broke up the little seduction Pam was performing on her friend.

Sighing, Pam gets up and brings the velvet hat over, and tells Sookie to pull out a card. It said, BFT.

“BFT. It sounds like some kind of sandwich?” Amelia questioned. Pam informed her, its a special kind of “sandwich” indeed.

Pam informed her Sookie will be going to the 3rd floor. Where she will escort her personally. Then Amelia pulls out a card BDF.

“Amelia dear, you are in the basement area. You remember where that is?” Pam glanced over her shoulder, but Amelia already left. Pam chuckles to herself.

“Amelia forever eager to please.” Pam returns her attention back to Sookie,

“You however, come with me.” Sookie followed Pam up the stairs, and thinking after tonight, things will definitely never be the same.

As they arrive to their destination, Pam glances back at Sookie giving her a crooked smile, before opening the door. Inside was a four-poster bed with black silk sheets, and in the corner was a fire-engine red tub looked like it was built for six. Gorgeous cherry wood dresser with a huge mirror that was situated in front of the bed. She also noticed the red button on the nightstand on the right side of the bed. Sookie then turns to Pam.

“It's time to relieve you of your clothing, may I” Pam looking for permission before she slowly takes off Sookie's clothes. Admiring eyes following as each piece revealed her tan skin tone.

“You are absolutely lovely.” Pam soaks in Sookie in her undergarments. Nothing too extravagant.
As Pam unhooks her bra, she became entranced with her breasts. Marveling the fullness, and roundness of them. Pam using her fingertip to play with her nipple to make it erect. Sookie emits a moan due to feeling this sensation. Pam staring at her face all the while, then Pam licks the erect nipple, twirling it with her tongue. Sookie tossing her head back, enjoying what is happening. Pam pulls back and applies the same treatment to her other breast. Sookie starts feeling the poolness in her panties, Pam takes in a deep breath, smelling her arousal.

“May I?” Pam huskily, asks. Sookie nods her head. Pam crouches down, and rubs her nose around in Sookie's wetness. Sookie moans a bit more louder. Pam then licks her slit through her soaked panties, Sookie grabs her head, and grinds her hips into Pam's tongue. Pam raises up, lips inches from Sookie's

“I knew you tasted sweet.” before Pam could lean in to show Sookie how sweet she tasted. The clock started ringing.

“Oh fuck!” Pam exclaimed in frustration. Pam then explained to Sookie the games is about to start. She pulls out a black silk scarf, and blindfolds her. Right before Pam left. She told her to have fun and enjoy her night.


I laid there partially naked on this amazing bed blind folded. What the fuck did I get myself into. Even though I never imagined being intimate with a woman, I would do Pam in a heartbeat. She made me so fucking horny. I started to grab my breasts and playing with my nipples, and ran my hand down to my wet dripping pussy, and started sliding fingers up into my hot wet pussy. I was getting my own self off until I heard male voices walking into the room. I stopped what I was doing, until a man who sounded like he had a Spanish accent, told me to continue what I was doing. Then I felt I big warm hand, cup one of my breasts, and rolled my nipples with his fingertips, while the other one ran his hand up and down my thigh watching me play with myself. The other man, said I want to see her playing with her lips, then ripped off my panties, and both of them spread my legs. Fuck that was a turn on, which made me cum hard. Then one of them slide up in between my legs and started licking and sucking the juices off the inside of my thighs. Damn that made me wet again, I start writhing around, then I felt a tongue dip into my wetness, fingers playing with my folds. I was trying to reach for something, anything, the sensations I was feeling was so intense, then my hand brushed against something really long, big and stiff....

In another area of the mansion...


Pam already had my collar around my neck, and then placed the nipple clamps on my already erect nipples. She already licked me to my first orgasm for the night, but she informed me earlier, she had a special treat for me.

“I never knew you had such a sweet tooth, my pet.” Pam led me to the bed by my leash.

“Yes, mistress I certainly I have a sweet tooth.” licking my lips in anticipation.

“Well tonight, my pet I'm not playing this scene, she is...”

A gorgeous ebony goddess came into the room, wearing next to nothing, only a crotchless leather studded thong, with thigh high fishnet stockings, an extremely high heels. She held a leather crop in her hand.

“Meet Mistress Tara, and she is full of what you were seeking. She always thinks that man is holding her people down...”

“Shut the fuck up Pam!”

Arching her eyebrow,

“See what I mean.”

Hearing her beautiful angry voice, made me wet. I was her willing slave. I wanted to worship her in every way possible. She yanked on my leash hard and dragged me around while I was on my hands and knees.

“You will do what I fucking say, and you will address me as Mistress Tara. If I tell you to lick my asshole, you better do it quick, fast and in a hurry, because I will not tolerate any bullshit from your over-privileged white ass. Understand you white skanky ass bitch!!”

“Yes Mistress Tara.”

“Now the safe-word is white ho. If you don't like my safe-word, well tough shit.”

She started crawling across the bed towards Pam, and tongued kissed her, then I noticed her tongue was pierced. I was internally doing the happy dance. I was watching Pam, cup Tara's small perky black breasts. She pulled away and noticed me watching them.

“Bitch did I tell you to watch us?”

“No Mistress Tara”

“Get yo sorry ass up here and lick my ass and my pussy and you better not use any teeth, or I will beat yo ass!”

I quickly crawled up into the bed, Tara laid flat on her back exposing her beautifully shaved cunt and, where her clit was also pierced. Pam started licking Tara's breasts, using her other hand to palm the other one while playing with her nipple. Hearing Tara throaty moans, almost caused me to become undone. I had a task to do. I don't come unless she tells me to. I stiffened my tongue and began to lick her clit, then down to her tight asshole. I tried to drive my tongue in her ass, then she hit my ass with the riding crop.

“Bitch I told you to lick my ass, not fuck it with your tongue. You got one mo time, and you will be punished.”

I thought to myself if I wasn't already involved with Tray, I would so ask her to be my steady girlfriend. I think I'm in love. I was too involved in my task to notice Pam left us alone. Told us to have fun, before she closed the door, and at that point I accidentally nipped her clit with my teeth.


“That's it! Time for your 20 licks and I'm not talking about my tongue, you stupid ass ho. You think someone is playing with yo silly ass.” she vehemently spewed as she placed me on the punishment board, surrendering my bare pale ass to her. I felt her stick a finger in my ass noticing how tight it was. Then she withdrew her finger, and inserted a thick butt plug in my ass.

I was shivering in anticipation for my punishment. I then wondered, whether or not Tray wouldn't mind me having something on the side. I don't think I will be able to find someone like her.

“Count them off, you stupid ass ho!”

{Sighs} God I love her! Must remember to give Pam tickets to the next fashion show in Paris as a gift.



I Know I Suck...

I want to thank the readers that I have been following my little stories, and I know I suck because I haven't updated my stories in months. Well I'm hoping soon to get an update to at least one of them hopefully soon. I also have another story on the back burner which is really racy, which I may or may not post on FF.net due to the content. As soon as real life stops kicking me in my ass, I should be able to get my creative juices flowing once again.